It’s true that when a relationship ends badly, when things start falling out-of-place, and when the possibility of a happy ending just keeps getting dimmer and dimmer, there is never just a single reason behind this downfall. It’s always a combination of factors- he never paid as much attention as you needed, you kept holding it against him when he got too caught up at work, there was never enough trust built between you two and much more.
And as hard as it is to actually pinpoint those factors and determine a general pattern of behavior that ends up leading to a breakup, there are always some common mistakes that a man or woman tends to make in a relationship- mistakes that can possible have some horrible long-lasting effects, mistakes that you don’t even realize at that moment but definitely regret later and mistakes that are completely avoidable if you just place some effort into recognizing them earlier.
So if you’re a woman who is looking for love, read on to know the 11 terrible mistakes women tend to make in a relationship and make sure you avoid these at all costs:
1. You don’t actually appreciate the things he does for you
It’s not uncommon for women to feel automatically entitled to all the things their man does for them. Whether it’s taking you out to expensive dinners that may or may not be easy for him to afford, or picking you up and dropping you from any place any time regardless of his time constraints, or buying you random gifts just to let you know how much he adores you or simply taking care of you and protecting you in every way possible- it’s true that he does all of this out of love and that no one ever forced him to do any of this.
But it’s also true that some kind of acknowledgment and a bit of appreciation won’t do you any harm. In fact, it will only encourage him to do even more for you in an even more selfless way. And if you keep taking advantage of him in every way possible without ever returning the favor or without ever making him feel like you love and care for him the same way he does, it’s won’t be long before he finds someone else- someone who actually knows how to value him.
2. You don’t realize your own worth
Now this mistake lies on the opposite end of the first one. Do you find yourself running after guys who always treat you badly? Do you always feel scared of asking for the things you truly want in a relationship? Are you always attracted to the bad boys, the boys who are always unavailable, and the boys who will only be with you when it’s convenient for them?
Do you keep putting up with bullshit in the hope that ‘one day’, your love will magically change him? If the answer to all or even one of these questions is a yes, then you’re not alone. A lot of women have been raised to believe that the one true purpose of their life is to find a guy who will agree to spend his life with them, and in this pursuit, they do everything in their power to please the guys they meet without realizing their own worth, and without understanding that finding a guy doesn’t mean settling for the first asshole that comes around.
This kind of attitude will actually keep you away from all the good guys because the truth is that no sensible guy can ever respect and care for a girl who doesn’t even respect herself. Stop settling. Start realizing your own value. And don’t think twice before rejecting a guy who is clearly not good for you.
3. You don’t reciprocate the love you’re given
One thing that’s been ingrained in everyone’s mind since the day they were born is that the sole purpose of a relationship is to make you happy. While it’s true that this is in fact one of the purposes, it should never be the only one! The true purpose of a relationship is to find a person who you truly love- a person whose happiness is placed above all.
A relationship is always about give and take, and not just about taking without ever reciprocating the love and affection you’re given. It’s about always placing one another first. It’s about constantly nurturing, taking care of, and looking after each other’s needs. Sometimes, when a person keeps loving us unconditionally without ever asking for anything in return, we start taking them for granted. We start believing that all of this love and care will always exist regardless of our own actions. This isn’t true.
No matter how much he loves you, no matter how important you are to him, and no matter how empty his life becomes without you, he will eventually get tired of being the only person that actually cares about making this relationship work. He will decide to stop. And he will move on.
4. You try to tie him down too soon
When do you decide that it’s time to label yourself as a couple, to let the world know that you’re in a relationship, and to start expecting things from the person you’ve been seeing? After the first date, the first kiss, or the first time you go back to each other’s place? The answer to this isn’t very simple. You can’t have a pre-conceived notion of when you’re allowed to start tying another person down.
Every individual wants their space. Every individual wants some time to decide on the things they actually want in life. And every individual has a different perception of when a few casual dates turn into an actual relationship. So the best thing to do here is to discuss this with the person you’re seeing when you think the time is right, without ever imposing anything on him.
Don’t ever make him feel like he has been caged. Don’t ever decide on things without him. And don’t ever start expecting things that he never even agreed to in the first place.
5. You start over-relying on yourself
I am in complete support of all the independent women out there- the ones who are highly successful in their professional lives, the ones who are well-known for their confident and courageous personalities, and the ones who are completely sure that they don’t need a man to protect or provide for them. In fact, I aspire to be exactly like that. But one mistake that women like these tend to make is to start holding this attitude against the men in their lives.
When he tries to comfort you or help you out in your time of need, you accuse him of implying that you’re not capable of doing things yourself. When he starts to get too close and actually starts affecting the way you feel, you decide to distance yourself before you become too ‘dependent’ on his presence. And when he tells you he loves you for the first time, you think a thousand times before telling him you love him too out of fear that you might look too weak or vulnerable. What needs to be understood here is that loving someone doesn’t mean that you’re dependent on them.
Accepting someone’s help in a time of need doesn’t imply that you weren’t capable of doing things yourself. It only means that you have someone who supports you in every way, someone you can trust, someone you can rely on and someone you can afford to be weak and vulnerable with.
6. You just don’t make an effort to understand your guy
Unlike most women, men aren’t that hard to please. All they really need from a relationship is honesty, trust, and an acceptance of who they truly are. And in return, they will do everything in their power to maintain that beautiful smile on your face, to keep making you feel special, and to make sure that nothing in the world can hurt you.
But some of us get so caught up in making up lies just to please him, checking his phone, his Facebook account and even his emails 24/7 just to be sure he’s not cheating or even talking to another girl, and trying our best to change him into a version of him that we prefer most, that we forget to give a thought towards understanding the simple things he wanted from us.
Stop lying to him because you think you know what he wants to hear. Stop making him feel like you can never trust him by invading his privacy all the time. Stop trying to turn him into someone he’s not. And start placing some effort into actually understanding him.
7. You prefer creating drama instead of creating memories
Just like I explained above, men are fairly simple creatures who try to understand the world through reason and logic. And when you’re being completely logical, there’s no good reason to always stay worked up about one thing or the other. A relationship is supposed to provide you a safe space, an escape from all the stress and tensions of everyday life, and a reason to feel happiness in even the worst of situations.
And if you take away this safe space, if you actually become the source of more tension and stress instead of being the person who relieves it, and if you start making a difficult situation even more difficult for your partner, then what incentive will he have to keep putting up with all of this? It’s okay to let your emotions out once in a while. It’s okay to let your partner know when you’re truly upset.
And it’s okay to not be a source of happiness at ALL times. But if you’ve started to enjoy all the attention that comes with all of this, if you’ve started to prefer creating some drama instead of having a peaceful and happy time, and if you have no regard left for the constant state of tension you create, then it won’t be long before your partner finally reaches his breaking point and decides to stop taking the things you say and do seriously.
8. You keep trying to change him and don’t truly accept him for who he is
There’s no bigger turn off for a guy than a woman who tries to turn him into her latest ‘project’ as soon as they start dating, a woman who is constantly trying to ‘fix’ him, and a woman who just can’t accept him for exactly who he is.
Maybe you keep criticizing the way he dresses, or you insult the way he eats his food, or ridicule him for the way he looks or the way he talks or even suggest how he needs to change his company. While you are never going to be successful in making him change all the things you dislike about him, you will indeed be successful in making him feel bad about himself and in forcing him to get rid of all this negativity.
People want to be seen, acknowledged and appreciated for who they are and not for who they have the potential to be by getting rid of all the things that make up the essence of their personality. If you can only love your partner if they change into someone else, then maybe it’s better to set them free and look for a guy who suits your requirements better.
9. You never tried to inspire him enough to imagine a future with you
The truth is that dating can be quite competitive. All of us hope to find a partner who actually makes us feel a strong sense of pride and gratitude in knowing that we’ve found a gem. And I’m not implying here that you should be the prettiest or the smartest or the sexiest girl out there for this to happen and for your partner to actually value your existence in his life.
All you need to do to make him feel this way is to make a genuine effort in understanding him, to be his pillar of support in the good times and the bad, and to make him feel like he can always count on you no matter what.
10. You never tried to build trust in the relationship or you broke it
Trust is one of the most essential requirements of every relationship. In its absence, you can end up feeling constantly worried and hurt. If you don’t completely trust your partner, you end up wasting all your time worrying about where your partner is, who they’re with, and what they’re doing, and ultimately end up feeling psychotic. I’m pretty sure that’s not the kind of relationship you would ever sign up for.
And what’s even worse than a low-level of trust is when you actually break it by lying, cheating or hiding things from your partner.
Allow yourself to build a relationship of trust with him. Because once you do, once you find the comfort to open yourself up to him and to share all the deepest, darkest thoughts in your mind, that is the moment when a relationship truly becomes unbreakable.
11. You look for a guy to ‘complete you’ without realizing that’s your own job
One of the biggest mistakes that women make is to enter a relationship with the hope that this man is here to finally make them feel ‘complete’. The truth is that no one in the world has the ability to make you feel that way except YOU! And if you enter a relationship with this hope, you might even end up feeling more incomplete and empty than you did before.
Your partner is here to appreciate you for who you are, to support you in the decisions you make for yourself, and to be your number one cheerleader when you achieve something great in life, but NOT to be a healer, a psychologist, or a person who will automatically end all the confusions and tensions in your life through their mere existence.
Stop expecting a man to take responsibility for how your life turns out to be and start taking an active role in making sure you achieve the things that make you feel happy and fulfilled.